Donald Trump is elected President of the United States, in a kind of historical way it’s exciting because we will see the actual last President of the United States.2[on Wes Craven casting him in A Nightmare on Elm Street (1984)] Wes Craven was the guy who gave me my start, from my perspective, for almost no reason in particular. I read scenes with his daughter when I auditioned for the part. At the time, I was a musician. I wasn’t really acting. It was not anything very near to my brain or my heart, which is how it pretty much remains to this day. But Wes Craven was brave enough to give me the gig based on his daughter’s opinion. I guess she had read with a bunch of actors, and after the casting sessions, she said, “No, that’s the guy.” I always think of her for putting me in this mess, and certainly Wes Craven for being brave enough to give me this gig. But he was a good man – so rest in peace, old Wes.3[on considering the role of fatherhood] Let’s face it: practising for it is fun and it’s all wonderful. Man, I’d make a hundred!4The choices I made when I was in a position where it was do-or-die were made with my heroes in mind. I didn’t want to disappoint the people who had busted down doors before.5I love the idea of changing my look. I think one owes it to the audience, to go out there and give them something different each time, so as not to bore them to death.6I still approach a scene as one would approach a guitar solo. You don’t exactly know how you’re going to phrase this or that. Which I think is beautiful. That idea of chance.7There are those who meet their heroes and go, “Aw, fuck.” And I’ve never had that, luckily. I was never disappointed by the people I’ve admired.8I’ve always enjoyed hiding behind these characters. I could stand up in front of, it doesn’t matter how many people, as a character. But if I had to do it as myself and give a speech, I would be liquid.9I like that, each time, before I even go in front of the cameras, the studio’s reaction will be fear.10When you add up the amount of dialogue that you say per year and you realize that you’ve said written words more than you’ve had a chance to say your own words, you start thinking about that as an insane option for a human being.11[ on playing Tonto in ‘The Lone Ranger’] In the history of cinema, the Native Americans have been portrayed as the savage and something less than that. We thought at least we should take a shot at erasing that. We all approached it that way.12I’ve always admired actors who can try their hand at anything and, more often than not, succeed at it… people like Daniel Day-Lewis and Gary Oldman are just inspiring to watch.13If you love two people at the same time, choose the second. Because if you really loved the first one, you wouldn’t have fallen for the second14[on playing Barnabas in Dark Shadows (1966)] We decided a vampire should look like a vampire. It was our rebellion against vampires who look like underwear models. So, yeah, there was a bit of Nosferatu.15[on Hunter S. Thompson] The beauty with Hunter was that there was a very profound element of trust between us. The one side that sticks out to me about [him] is the side that not a lot of people recognized or had the opportunity to see, which was that he was a southern gentleman.16[on performing with Penelope Cruz] Having done the film ‘Blow’ together 10 or 11 years ago, something like that – the weird thing when we saw each other again was that we felt like we’d wrapped ‘Blow’ like the week before. It just clicked instantly, so whatever exists in terms of chemistry was just firing instantly on all cylinders. It felt completely right.17[on a scene involving a flight through the streets of London] It was horrible. It was gruelling. I’ve done many things in my life under the influence of – life – but I’d never actually thought of straddling two carriages while they’re moving and then of jumping on people’s heads and then onto another sort of cart. And then the thing catches fire. And this is how daddy brings home the bacon.18[on what he hopes for in his future career] Smooth sailing with no big ups, no big downs. Just full steam ahead. {Maybe a geriatric Jack?] Yeah, I think they could wheel me in. Interestingly enough, with a character like Captain Jack, you just feel you could continue. The possibilities are endless, limitless. There’s any possibility of madness and absurdity that could commence. With this character you feel that you’re never really done.19[1995] I think the stuff I do could be accepted by the wide movie going audience if the audience weren’t programmed to think in certain ways…but maybe we’d be better off if there were more films around that made you think, made you have to use your own brain to figure things out. That’s why people don’t read any more. They don’t chew their own food. They just want to swallow it, get it fucking down then move on. [When asked if it bugs him that the Studios’ sell films as ‘What’s Eating Gilbert Grape (1993)’ as “small and “special”]20[1995] You can never, ever understand fully what a woman’s life might be like until you step into her shoes. The same thing goes for transvestites. [Talking about his role in ‘Ed Wood (1994)’]21(Joking about Ryan Reynolds taking over the title “Sexiest Man Alive 2010”) I feel emasculated.I feel like I’ve been beaten down like some horrible … you know, like some pathetic harp seal. But, I mean, that’s how it goes, isn’t it?I think I can work my way forward, but will I try for it again? No. … I worked so hard to gain that title.22(On first seeing himself on-screen) I got sick. I went to see dailies on Nightmare on Elm Street. I was 21, and didn’t know what was going on. It was like looking in a huge mirror. It wasn’t how I looked that bothered me, though I did look like a geek in that movie. It was seeing myself up there pretending.23(1996 – On fame) If there’s anything I really want, it’s privacy. You do get to where your money can help your family, and that’s a great thing. You can buy that wristwatch you want, too. But mostly you now have to pay for simplicity. You use your money to buy privacy because during most of your life you aren’t allowed to be normal. You’re on display, always looked at, which puts you at a disadvantage for the people looking at you know that it’s you. They say, “It’s you!” But you don’t know them. That’s bad for an actor because the most important thing you can do is observe people. And now you can’t because you’re the one being observed.24(On growing up) We moved like gypsies. From the time I was five until my teens we lived in 30 or 40 different houses. That probably has a lot to do with my transient life now. But it’s how I was raised so I thought there was nothing abnormal about it. Wherever the family is, that’s home. We lived in apartments, on a farm, in a motel. Then we rented a house, and one night we moved from there to the house next door. I remember carrying my clothes across the yard and thinking, This is weird, but it’s an easy move.25I pray on airplanes. I get instant religion during takeoff, then when we’re safely in the air I sit there thinking about the fact that any little thing that goes wrong could send us crashing to the ground.26I’m not sure I could give up pork. Steak, OK. Maybe hamburgers. But nothing in the world can make me stop eating swine. I mean, I had a great-grandmother, Mimmy, who ate the greasiest food you ever saw and chewed tobacco till the day she died, and she lived to be 102.27I have a really soft spot for blondes. I find myself attracted to blonde women the most.28[on Elizabeth Taylor] The best old-school dame I’ve ever met. A regular, wonderful person.29[on buying a private island] Money doesn’t buy you happiness, but it buys you a big enough yacht to sail right up to it.30(about his high school) I was around 15 when I left. I went back 2 weeks later, thinking “You know what, this is crazy, I should go back.” So I went back, and I talked to the dean of the school, and he said, “Johnny… we don’t *want* you to come back.” He said, it was really sweet actually, “You have this music thing, I think you should run with it. That’s your passion, you should go with it.” So I did.31(About teen magazines) Those are things that are out of my control. It’s very nice to be appreciated, but I’m not really comfortable with it. I’ve never liked being the centre of attention. It comes with the territory.32It’s scary. It’s terrifying. People come up to you and start crying. Everybody compares everyone to James Dean these days. If you’re lucky they mention Brando [Marlon Brando] or De Niro [Robert De Niro]. They invite you to put on an instant image.33I’ve gotten weird letters, suicide letters, girls threatening to jump if I don’t get in touch with them. So you think, This is bullshit, but then you think, What if it’s not? Who wants to take that chance? I write them back, tell them to hang in there – if things are that bad they have to get better. But I’m not altogether stable myself, so who am I to give advice?34Kids write to me and say they are having these problems or they want to commit suicide or something. It’s scary. I have to say, Listen, I’m just an actor, not a professional psychologist. If you need help, you should go and get it.35(About 21 Jump Street) I’m afraid I started navel-gazing. I started thinking like, There are 365 days in a year, but for 275 of those days, I’m saying someone else’s words. And they’re bad words. And I only get to say my own for 90 days.36Now it’s starting to get to profound [things]. She sat me down the other day, sort of like, “Dad, I need to have a talk with you.” You know, she’s four. I said, “Alright sweetheart, what do you got?” She said, “I just want to ask you three questions.” I said, “Ok, what do you got?” She said, “Is God afraid of dogs?” I thought about it. I said, “No honey, I don’t think he is. Probably not.” She said, “Ok. Has He seen the dinosaurs?” I said, “Yes, I think he has.” And then she said, “Does God have a maid?” And I didn’t know how to answer it!37When I see someone who just follows their dream and succeeds, and just does basically what they want to do and doesn’t have to answer to anyone, obviously not harming anyone, that’s great.38(About 21 Jump Street) I got a call from my agents, who said, “These people want you to come and read for this TV thing.” And I said, “No, no, no, no, no”. I didn’t want to sign some big contract that would bind me for years. So they hired somebody else to do it, and they fired him after about a month, and then they called me again and said, “Would you please come in and do it?” My agent said, “The average span of a TV series is thirteen episodes, if that. One season.” So I said OK.39(About his character in 21 Jump Street) Hanson is not someone I’d want to have pizza with. I don’t believe in having undercover cops in high school – it’s spying. The only thing I have in common with Tom Hanson is that we look alike.40(About Peter DeLuise, friend from 21 Jump Street) If Peter wasn’t on the show I would have gone insane or jumped into the river. He’s my savior.41(About teen magazines) They had come to me in the beginning and said, “We want you to do these interviews and stuff for these magazines,” and I said, “What magazines?” And they said, “Sixteen! Teen Beat! Teen Dream! Teen Poop! Teen Piss! Teen Shit!”42[on the difficulties of his singing in Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street (2007)] The one [song] that was probably the most challenging was “Johanna [Act II]”… And as far as I was concerned, when Stephen Sondheim writes the note and it has to be held for this many beats, you do it. I don’t care if you’re from Miramar or Kentucky or you’re an ass and you don’t sing. It doesn’t matter. Don’t be a pussy, you fucking hold that note. You can’t cheat. You can’t whisper. You can’t do the William Shatner thing. You just gotta belt it out. So I really beat myself up, making sure I could hold those notes. In “Johanna,” some are, like, twelve beats. That was a bugger. At one point, I was very close to passing out– I got dizzy and saw black. But that’s what Sondheim wrote, so that’s what you do.43I made some shitty movies when I was first starting out, but I’m not embarrassed by them, especially as I didn’t think I was going to be an actor – I was just trying to make some money. I was still a musician. When I first started out I was just given the opportunity, and there was no other way to make that kind of money. Apart from crime. I couldn’t believe how much they were paying me.44(About Platoon) I went to read for Oliver Stone, and Oliver scared the shit out of me! I read for him and he said, “OK, I need you for ten weeks in the jungle.” It was a great experience.45(About his early relationship) I don’t regret any of them. I had a good time. Most of what’s been written about me has been completely false. People have created an image that has absolutely nothing to do with me, and they have the power to sell it, to shove it down the throats of people. I’m an old-fashioned guy who wants marriage and kids.46I like to think that I’m very considerate of other people’s feelings, and I was trained as a small child to always try my best at everything. I think I’m a mixture of romantic and realist. I’m a realist about some stuff, but I also wholeheartedly believe that in a society where people get divorced every five minutes you can still stay married for 50 or 75 years. It’s been done and it’s beautiful. When I see a couple celebrating their 75th wedding anniversary, I just think that it’s totally incredible.47[about The Kids in Hollywood] It was horrible. There were so many bands it was impossible to make any money. So we all got side jobs. We used to sell ads over the telephone. Telemarketing. We got $100 a week. We had to rip people off. We’d tell them they’d been chosen by so-and-so in their area to receive a grandfather clock. They would order $500 worth of these fucking things and we would send them a cheap grandfather clock. It was horrible.48[about his job of selling pens over the phone] I was working a day job selling ink pens over the phone and getting maybe $100 a week, but I thought, “What have I got to lose?”49[about his career as a salesman] The last couple of times I did it, I just said, “Listen, you don’t want this stuff, man”.50[about A Nightmare on Elm Street (1984)] I was just not what [director Wes Craven] had written for the story. He had written the part of a big, blond, beach jock, football player guy. And I was sort of emaciated, with old hairspray and spiky hair, earrings, a little catacomb dweller. Then five hours later that agent called me and said, “You’re an actor”.51[about a scene in A Nightmare on Elm Street (1984)] I love this stuff. The kid falls asleep and it’s all over, he’s sucked right into the bed and spit out as blood. His bloody body rises straight out and then topples over, too. I heard somebody talk about having a dummy shot out of the bed, but I said, “Hey, I want to do this! It’ll be fun! Lemme do it!”52You know, I was married, when I was 20. It was a strong bond with someone, but I can’t necessarily say I was in love. That’s something that comes around once, man, maybe twice if you’re lucky. And I don’t know that I experienced that, let’s say, before I turned 30.53[about his first marriage] I guess I have very traditional kinds of sensibilities about that kind of stuff – you know, a man and a woman sharing their life together and having a baby, whatever – and I think for a while I was trying to right the wrongs of my parents because they split up when I was a kid, so I thought I could do it differently – make things work. I had the right intentions, but the wrong timing – and the wrong person. But I don’t regret it; I had fun and I learned a lot.54I can remember my parents fighting and us kids wondering who was going to go with whom if they got divorced.55I remember carving my initials on my arm and I’ve scarred myself from time to time since then. In a way your body is a journal and the scars are sort of entries in it.56These are the most important people in my life. You know, I would die for these people. If someone were to harm my family or a friend or somebody I love – I would eat them. I might end up in jail for 500 years – but I would eat them.57My father left and my mother was deeply hurt and sick physically and emotionally. That’s a very traumatic thing for a family to go through, so we all pulled together and did the best we could.58I played rock’n’roll clubs in Florida. I was underage, but they would let me come in the back door to play, and then I’d have to leave after the first set. That’s how I made a living, at about $25 a night. At times we could make $2,100 – we used to make that for the entire group and the road crew, which is a lot.59I started smoking at 12, lost my virginity at 13 and did every kind of drug there was by 14. Pretty much any drug you can name, I’ve done it. I wouldn’t say I was bad or malicious, I was just curious. I certainly had my little experiences with drugs. Eventually, you see where that’s headed and you get out.60[about one of his old teachers asking for an autograph] I mean, what was I supposed to say? He’d failed me. I remember one time this teacher yelled at me so heavily in front of the entire class. He didn’t have any time for me then, and now, all of a sudden, he wants my autograph? They all thought I was going to end up a drug addict, in jail.61I hung around with bad crowds. We used to break and enter places. We’d break into the school and destroy a room or something. I used to steal things from stores.62I’d been in high school three years, and I may have just walked in yesterday. I had, like, eight credits. I was in my third year of high school and I didn’t want to be there. I was bored out of my mind and I hated it.63At first we’d wear T-shirts that said “Flame” on them. At 13 I was wearing plain T-shirts. Then I used to steal my mom’s clothing. She had all these crushed velvet shirts with French-cut sleeves. And, like, seersucker bell bottoms. I dreamed of having platforms, but couldn’t find any.64[about living in the small town of Miramar as a kid] Miramar was like Endora, the town in What’s Eating Gilbert Grape (1993). It had two identical grocery stores opposite each other and nothing much ever happened there.65My cousins had a gospel group and they came down and played gospel songs, and that was the first time I ever saw an electric guitar. I got obsessed with the electric guitar, so my Mom bought me one from them for $25. I was about twelve years old. Then I locked myself in a room for a year and taught myself how to play, learned off records, and then I started playing in little garage bands. The first group I was ever in was called Flame. Then I was in The Kids. They were the ones who moved to Hollywood.66I was a weird kid. I wanted to be Bruce Lee. I wanted to be on a SWAT team. When I was five, I think I wanted to be Daniel Boone.67(about his mother, Betty Sue) Years and years I watched her wait tables. I’d count her change at the end of the night. She cursed like a sailor, played cards and smoked cigarettes.68[about Edward D. Wood Jr.] Like him I also grew up feeling like an obtuse piece of machinery. It was the same feeling I had about Edward Scissorhands.”69I’ve been around long enough to know that one week, you’re on the exclusive list of guys who can open a movie, and then the next week, you’re off the list. It’s been a fun ride, and I’m enjoying it for all it’s worth.70I had never experienced that before. And it’s been fun to visit Hollywood and talk to studios as a bankable actor for a change.71[about Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl (2003)] I only wanted to be in a movie that my kids could see.72All the amazing people that I’ve worked with – Marlon Brando, Al Pacino, Dustin Hoffman – have told me consistently: don’t compromise. Do your work, and if what you’re giving is not what they want, you have to be prepared to walk away.73There’s a drive in me that won’t allow me to do certain things that are easy. I can weigh all the options, but there’s always one thing that goes: “Johnny, this is the one.” And it’s always the most difficult – it’s always the one that will cause the most trouble.74I love our house in the country. I can walk to the nearby village and have a coffee and no one pays any notice. I’m just another dad with my daughter on my knee. The time I’ve spent in France with [girlfriend Vanessa Paradis] has solidified my belief that I can keep a major distance from Hollywood and still keep in the game. Acting is my living, but I don’t want to live it. Living in France is the first time I can honestly say I feel at home.75[about girlfriend Vanessa Paradis] I pretty much fell in love with Vanessa the moment I set eyes on her. As a person, I was pretty much a lost cause at that time in my life. She turned all that around for me with her incredible tenderness and understanding.76[about Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl (2003)] It was mentioned that they were considering a movie based on the Pirates of the Caribbean ride, and I said I was in. There was no screenplay, no director, nothing. For some unknown reason, I just said I was in.77(on preparing to sing as Sweeney Todd] It’s a bit like jumping into cold water. There’s no preparing, you just do it.78[on director Tim Burton] What more can I say about him? He is a brother, a friend, my godson’s father. He is a unique and brave soul, someone that I would go to the ends of the earth for, and I know, full and well, he would do the same for me.79What I said was, the United States of America is a young country compared to Europe, compared to, you know, other countries. We’re young. We’re 200 and something years old.80I loved playing Edward Scissorhands (1990) because there’s nothing cynical, jaded or impure about him. It’s almost a letdown to look in the mirror and realize I’m not Edward.81Having kids was a huge change for me. Becoming a father. But I think more than changing, I feel like I’ve been revealed to myself, I kind of found out who I was. When you meet your child for the first time and you’re looking at this angel, you start realizing what an idiot you’ve been for so many years and how much time you’ve wasted. As far as being feet-on-the-ground, once again my kids and [‘girlfriend Vanessa Paradis] have given me a proper foundation. A sense of home that I never had in my life, a real sense of a place to be.82[Marlon Brando] wanted me to escape movies for a while – “Take a year off. Go on. Study Shakespeare”. So it’s one of the things that keep ricocheting around in my head. He told me that by the time he had got to the point where he felt he could do “Hamlet”, it was too late. So he said, “Do it now, do it while you can”. And I would like to do it – although it’s one of the more frightening ideas I’ve had. I think as an actor it is good to feel the fear of failing miserably. I think you should take that risk. Fear is a necessary ingredient in everything I do. But if I do “Hamlet” it will probably be in a small theater on a small stage and it will have to be very, very soon because I’m getting a little long in the tooth for it.83[asked by Rolling Stone if there was a “gay undercurrent” in his character Capt. Jack Sparrow in the “Pirates of the Caribbean’ films] Well, there was a great book I read . . . What was it called? “Sodomy and the Pirate Tradition”. A very interesting book. I wasn’t exactly going for that with the character. And Keith is not flamboyant in his actions. Keith is pretty stealth. But with Jack, it was more that I liked the idea of being ambiguous, of taking this character and making everything a little bit . . . questionable. Because women were thought to be bad luck on ships. And these pirates would go out for years at a time. So, you know, there is a possibility that one thing might lead to another.84As a teenager I was so insecure. I was the type of guy that never fitted in because he never dared to choose. I was convinced I had absolutely no talent at all. For nothing. And that thought took away all my ambition, too.85There’s nothing – you know – nothing else like music. Nothing that touches us on that, uh, that deep level. Music can open up so many emotions that we didn’t know we had. It’s the magical thing about musicals, you know, on the stage or on film or whatever. Love songs. They work so well because music touches us, emotionally, where words alone can’t.86Marlon Brando is maybe the greatest actor of the last two centuries. But his mind is much more important than the acting thing. The way that he looks at things, doesn’t judge things, the way that he assesses things. He’s as important as, uh… who’s important today? Jesus, not many people… Stephen Hawking!87[on being an uncle] My sister Christi had a baby when I was 17, and I had just heard about crib death. The horrible thing was that it wasn’t understood. For some unknown reason the baby would stop breathing. So I would sneak into where the baby was sleeping and put my hand in her crib, hold her little finger, and I’d sleep on the floor like that. It was stupid, I’m sure. But I thought the warmth of my hand might help, that maybe if she felt my pulse it would remind her to breathe.88I don’t have a mental picture of the houses we lived in because there were so many.89I started out as a guitarist in the early ’80s. I hooked up with a guy who idolized James Dean and he gave me a copy of the Dean biography, “The Mutant King”, which I thought was really interesting. While reading the book I watched Rebel Without a Cause (1955), and I thought, “Wow, this guy really has something”, and I was hooked. I wasn’t really into acting at the time – but James Dean was the catalyst.90[on reactions to his directorial debut] You know what was traumatizing, what was very, very strange in terms of this film I directed a few years back called The Brave (1997). Well, I guess I wouldn’t say traumatizing, but I would say weird: at the premiere of the film the reception of it was beyond any expectation that I had. I had no idea I’d be looking at [Bernardo Bertolucci] or [Michelangelo Antonioni] sitting there watching my film. And then to receive the applause that my film got, it was so incredible. And then the next day the majority of the American press just turn it into this horrible thing. Once again, everybody is entitled to their opinion, man. Maybe it’s a bad film? Maybe it’s a good film? To me it’s just a film. It’s something I needed to make.91[on director Tim Burton] He can ask me everything. If he wants me to have sex with an aardvark in one of his next movies, then I will do that.92[on his daughter, Lily-Rose] I see this amazing, beautiful, pure angel-thing wake up in the morning, and nothing can touch that. She is the only reason to wake up in the morning, the only reason to take a breath. Everything else is checkers.93[on Gene Wilder’s comment on the remake of Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory (1971)] Hearing about that was disappointing, but I can understand where he’s coming from, I guess. The one thing I didn’t understand was that apparently he was quoted as saying, “Well, they just did this for money”. Well, hey, man, where have you been? When didn’t they ever do anything for money? Nobody’s ever made a film in the history of cinema where they weren’t expecting some return on their dough.94We had been shooting [Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (2005)] for about a month, and I was beginning to get nervous because there weren’t any phone calls. I called my agent and asked, “Has no one called from the studio to complain or say, ‘Hey, what’s he doing?’ or ‘Hey, he’s freaking us out?’ ” And when she said, “No”, I thought, “Christ, I’m not doing enough! Something’s wrong!” Then some of the studio brass came over to the set, and they were sitting in my trailer and I was all decked out as Wonka with the little bangs. And I just had to know. So I said, “Okay, who was the first one, when you started seeing the dailies, that got a little worried?” And there was this beautiful 30-second silence. And [Warner Bros. president] Alan Horn finally said, “Yeah, that was me”. I felt better instantly.95[asked why he hides his looks behind strange wigs, fake teeth and girly squeals] I think it’s an actor’s responsibility to change every time. Not only for himself and the people he’s working with, but for the audience. If you just go out and deliver the same dish every time . . . it’s meat loaf again . . . you’d get bored. I’d get bored.96All the little films I’ve done that were perceived by Hollywood as these obscure, weird things, I always thought could appeal to a larger audience. I mean, box office is such a mystery to me that I can’t . . . you know . . . I have enough trouble doing my own gig.97I suppose nowadays it’s all a question of surgery, isn’t it? Of course the notion is beautiful, the idea of staying a boy and a child forever, and I think you can. I have known plenty of people who, in their later years, had the energy of children and the kind of curiosity and fascination with things like little children. I think we can keep that, and I think it’s important to keep that part of staying young. But I also think it’s great fun growing old.98If you turn on the television and see the horrors that are happening to people in the world right now, I think there’s no better time to strive to have some kind of hope through imagination. I think it’s a time to close your eyes and try to make a change, or at least hope to make a change, or we’re going to explode.99On a film you start to get closer and closer with the people you’re working with, and it becomes like this circus act or this travelling family.100The term “serious actor” is kind of an oxymoron, isn’t it? [Like] “Republican party” “airplane food”.101Sure, I find it touching, honestly, but awards are not as important to me as when I meet a ten-year-old kid who says, “I love Captain Jack Sparrow” . . . that’s real magic for me.102The character I’ve played, that I’ve responded to, there has been a lost-soul quality to them.103This is a rumor-filled society and if people want to sit around and talk about whom I’ve dated, then I’d say they have a lot of spare time and should consider other topics… or masturbation.104When kids hit one year old, it’s like hanging out with a miniature drunk. You have to hold onto them. They bump into things. They laugh and cry. They urinate. They vomit.105I’m shy, paranoid, whatever word you want to use. I hate fame. I’ve done everything I can to avoid it.106[about being dragged behind a carriage in the woods on Sleepy Hollow (1999)] I wasn’t afraid of getting hurt. I was just afraid that the horses may relieve themselves on the journey.107[asked if he is a romantic] Am I a romantic? I’ve seen Wuthering Heights (1939) ten times. I’m a romantic.108[when asked by James Lipton on Inside the Actors Studio (1994) what attracts him to funny hats] I don’t know, maybe I just read too much Dr. Seuss as a kid.109I’m an old-fashioned guy . . . I want to be an old man with a beer belly sitting on a porch, looking at a lake or something.110The only gossip I’m interested in is things from the Weekly World News
- ‘Woman’s bra bursts, 11 injured.’ That kind of thing.
111With any part you play, there is a certain amount of yourself in it. There has to be, otherwise it’s just not acting. It’s lying.112I can remember when I finished Edward Scissorhands (1990), looking in the mirror as the girl was doing my make-up for the last time and thinking — it was like the 90th or 89th day of shooting — and I remember looking and going, “Wow, this is it. I’m saying goodbye to this guy, I’m saying goodbye to Edward Scissorhands”. You know, it was kind of sad. But in fact, I think they’re all still somehow in there.113[on his character in Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl (2003)] Captain Jack Sparrow is like a cross between Keith Richards and Pepe Le Pew.114France and the whole of Europe have a great culture and an amazing history. Most important thing, though, is that people there know how to live! In America they’ve forgotten all about it. I’m afraid that the American culture is a disaster.115Taken in context, what I was saying was that, compared to Europe, America is a very young country and we are still growing as a nation. It is a shame that the metaphor I used was taken so radically out of context and slung about irresponsibly by the news media. There was no anti-American sentiment. In fact, it was just the opposite. I am an American. I love my country and have great hopes for it. It is for this reason that I speak candidly and sometimes critically about it. I have benefited greatly from the freedom that exists in my country and for this I am eternally grateful.116America is dumb. It’s like a dumb puppy that has big teeth that can bite and hurt you, aggressive. My daughter is four, my boy is one. I’d like them to see America as a toy, a broken toy. Investigate it a little, check it out, get this feeling and then get out.117One of the greatest things I’ve ever seen happen was the morning I opened the newspaper and it said that some very powerful government officials had decided to change the name of “french fries” to “freedoom fries” and “french toast” to “freedom toast”. It was impressive. I wanted to write a letter to them just to thank them, just for proving globally that they were absolute imbeciles.118The only creatures that are evolved enough to convey pure love are dogs and infants.119[on Vincent Price] One of the most incredible moments I’ve ever had was sitting in Vincent’s trailer . . . I was showing him this first-edition book I have of the complete works of [Edgar Allan Poe], with really amazing illustrations. Vincent was going nuts over the drawings, and he started talking about The Tomb of Ligeia (1964). Then he closed the book and began to recite it to me in this beautiful voice, filling the room with huge sounds. Such passion! I looked in the book later, and it was verbatim. Word perfect. It was a great moment. I’ll never forget that.120I don’t pretend to be captain weird. I just do what I do.121[on the money he makes] You use your money to buy privacy because during most of your life you aren’t allowed to be normal.122Anything I’ve done up till 27 May, 1999 was kind of an illusion, existing without living. My daughter, the birth of my daughter, gave me life.